Every week I dread the two days of the week that my Korean class falls on. Although a small part of me is enjoying learning the language, the larger part of me feels apathetic toward it all.
Why learn a language when you may not actually be able to use it? If I knew for sure I could be reunited with one or both of my birth parents, I would be pouring all of my efforts into learning Korean and nothing else. But spending the time and energy to learning a complicated language is only going to exacerbate the disappointment if I find that a reunion won’t be possible.
Not learning the language yet is something within my control; it’s one of the only protective barriers that is available to me.
Although I have to admit, knowing how to read Hangul has been a little beneficial. When I was looking through my adoption records again, I realized that for the first time, I can read my name. It was a bittersweet moment.