Pure Dread

People keep posting on the facebook group how excited they are for the trip.

One overambitious individual keeps updating everyone with a countdown:

18 days to we leave.
14 days 🙂
We will be in Seoul this time two weeks from now.

I’m not sure what annoys me most: getting two reminders in one day or the smiley face, though, if I had to be honest I know why this annoys me. It annoys me because I don’t have that excitement. I’ve tried to find it deep within me, but can only find dread. I feel like I’ve been subjected to a slow torture that won’t cease until it has everything. Its like in the movies when you see someone endure a slow and painful interrogation– eventually they break and tell all that they know, just so they can finally be “free” (which usually ends with their captor dumping their remains in a large body of water).

How are people looking forward to this?! Just thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach. I’m not even excited about the things on my list of “places to go/see and things to do,” as those were made to be able to escape from the rest of the kumbaya fest.

I know the parameters under which I have framed everything and can’t move beyond them, no matter how hard I try.

(sigh) 

I’m. so. tired. of. this.

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