This is so hard.

Someone got to talk to my birth mom, and that someone wasn’t me.
I hate that so much. (And I’m not the type of person to use the word hate.)

Some person that I’ve never met before, a complete stranger who knows nothing about me, was responsible for pleading my case.
A person who does this for a living and has surely become desensitized, if only a little, was responsible for that which meant  everything to me.
I had no control.

And now, communication is closed.
Hope for the future has disappeared, easier than it came.

Anxious the bird lost from the flock
The sun sets and still it flies alone,
back and forth with no place to rest,
As night wears on, 
it’s cry grows sadder.
T’ao Ch’ien, A.D. 416

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